Duolingo Dropout: I Tried to Learn German, but the Internet Is a Scam
Haven't seen any alumni of Duolingo. Just us dropping out
🎧 Soundtrack: Guten Tag – Wir Sind Helden
"Guten Tag, ich will mein Leben zurück."
Same, Judith. Same.
I’m a Duolingo dropout.
Not because I’m lazy. Not because I gave up on German.
But because the entire internet is a scam, especially when you’re trying to actually learn something in peace.
I hit B1.
I survived adjective endings, gendered forks, and accusative hell.
But then I got on calls with real Germans, and my brain said:
This is not in the curriculum. That’s not what the owl taught me. Why is everyone speaking like it’s a Berlin rap cypher?
It All Starts With Hope
Like all modern tragedies, it began with an app and some hope.
Duolingo said:
“You’ll be fluent in just 10 minutes a day.”
I said,
“Wow. That’s reasonable. I believe in education.”
Then came the streaks. The gems. The leagues.
Suddenly, I wasn’t learning a language. I was grinding in a Word Farm MMO with side quests.
And the owl?
He became a dealer.
“Come back tomorrow or lose everything, coward.”
“Oh, you want to review today’s words? That’ll be 50 gems or 2 ads for crypto scams.”
Duolingo Stopped Being a Language Tool. It’s a Trap Now.
We need to say it out loud:
Duolingo got enshittified.
That beautiful word enshittification explains it all:
Start out good to gain users.
Start squeezing users for engagement, not growth.
Eventually become so hollow you’re just a Skinner box with a mascot.
Now you’ve got:
XP leagues
Heart systems
“Legendary” mode
An owl that looks like it’s doing Adderall
And I literally no idea how to say, “Can I get a train ticket to Leipzig?”
“But you’re B1!”
Yeah. I’m B1 on paper.
I’ve done the lessons. I’ve had the vocab drills. I’ve written awkward paragraphs about going to the supermarket with my sister.
But then I hop on a call with real Germans, not textbook NPCs, and someone says:
“Also, ganz ehrlich, das ist komplett Banane, Digga.”
And I just sit there, blinking.
Because what Duolingo taught me is dead here.
The owl never prepared me for “komplett Banane.”
I ask questions, they answer in speedrun slang, layered with regional dialects and cultural nuance, and all I’ve got is
“Ich bin ein Apfel.”
The Problem Isn’t Me, It’s the System
I thought I was broken.
I thought I wasn’t committed enough.
But then I looked around, and everything is like this now.
Every tool I once trusted for self-development is now a monetized zombie of its former self.
Apps don’t want you to get better —
They want you to keep coming back.
Forever.
Not to grow but to engage.
“Retention metrics,” they say.
“Monthly active users,” they whisper.
“We added Leaderboards™ and Battle Passes™ to your language education.”
We are being gamified into oblivion.
We don’t use products anymore. We serve them.
Real German Doesn’t Happen in the App
It happens.
When your German colleague uses “Moin” in a Zoom call, and you Google it mid-meeting.
When someone says “doch,” it carries 4 layers of emotional damage you weren’t trained for.
When you realize “na ja” means “no, but also yes, but actually I’m done with this conversation.”
I didn’t even need to go to Germany.
Germany came to me. Through video calls. Slack threads. Documentation.
And it slapped me in the face with real-world language that’s 10 levels past “Der Junge isst Brot.”
So What Now?
I dropped Duolingo.
I still love learning. But I want to learn like a person, not a stats-chasing owl worshipper.
So I built a new curriculum:
Watch Wir Sind Helden videos until the lyrics unlock like prophecy
Stalk Easy German and pray for context clues
Join Discord servers where Germans argue about Bundesliga and call each other eh Bruder
Message strangers, make grammar mistakes, get flamed, try again
Watch dubbed anime and catch vibes before catching vocabulary
Is it messy? Yes.
Is it slow? Yep.
Does it work? More than streaks ever did.
Dropout’s Toolbox (Real Sh*t Only)
German Learning That Doesn’t Rot Your Soul:
Easy German (YouTube) – actual people, actual context, no leaderboard
Seedlang – made by the Easy German crew, beautiful UI, real-world stuff
Nicos Weg (DW) – free and full curriculum that won’t ask you to buy gems
r/German – chaos, memes, bad questions, honest answers
Leo.org – The only dictionary I trust now
Final Word from Your Local Language Burnout
If you feel stuck, like you “just need more discipline”
Stop.
It’s not you.
It’s the system.
The streaks, the gems, the gamified shame spiral, it was never about fluency.
So yeah. I’m out.
Not because I gave up on German,
But I gave up on pretending this was working.
And to my streak partners:
I’m sorry. I left the league. I let the team down.
Maybe I’ll be back someday. But not soon.
If I return, it won’t be for XP. It’ll be for me.
Until then:
Speak badly. Learn loudly. Break the streak if you must.
But don’t break yourself trying to please the owl.
Guten Tag. Ich will mein Leben zurück.